A long standing judgement is that people talk too much, that people like to listen to their own voice just a little too much. Because more often than not, people talk to get their point across, to prove themselves right, to point out to the opposing party that they are wrong, and so on. Only in times of elections, while debating politics, this behaviour is accepted. At those instances we hope our candidate out-talks the other. But in normal day life we do not appreciate big talkers all that much. We prefer the more quiet types who listen over those who seem more interested in their own story than in ours. Hence sayings like “Silence is golden”. But that image of “speaking your mind” is too negative.
The best way to prevent the crazy wheel of life dragging you towards an abyss, like a depression or burn-out, is talking to others. Talking about the things that are on your mind, about what is really important to you, about your hopes and your fears. The latter subject generally is taboo, but of the utmost importance to address. It’s fashionable nowadays to turn to Eastern philosophies (or religions) to find ways to cope with everyday stress. Mindfulness is at the top of the popularity charts. We won’t advocate against self-help strategies such as Mindfulness if it were not for the word “self”. It is a way of looking inward, of getting to be at peace with yourself. Which is a good step in itself, but it is an individualistic step. In an increasingly individualistic life. Which tends towards a solitary, lonely life. Most of the answers you are looking for do not lie within yourself. Getting to know what could really fulfil your life comes from sharing with others: getting your thoughts and feelings in the open; seeing how others react to those; learning the thoughts and feelings of others; getting new thoughts and ideas from that, ideas you would never have come to just by looking inside.
Talking to others in therapy group sessions doesn’t hold much appeal for most of us. They tend to be more of an obstacle to bare yourself than an invitation. Luckily there are other ways to go about this. And to be frank: it doesn’t matter which way, just find a way that makes people feel free and invited to share their thoughts with others. To talk out loud about what goes on in their minds. What is important to them and what things they really dislike. What interests them what they are indifferent to.
These goals can be achieved by getting together on a regular basis and talk about general subjects and express ones personal feelings about these, in itself trivial, things. Like the talk show on tv yesterday. Last weekends sports game. The upcoming elections. The latest Oscars. The weather. Where to go on your vacation. Restaurants. Anything can be the topic of these talks. Just create an atmosphere in which people feel free to talk, uninhibited, unthreatened.
When the setting feels save, when you repeat it often enough and with enough variation, then this will lead the participants, will lead yóu to better insights in your own mind. Insights in what is really important to you and what things you shouldn’t bother with. The sharper this image, the more to the point your future choices will be. And the choices we make, the decisions we take, those are the one things in our lives that we completely control, 100%. That is why our choices determine who we really are.
A bit of wisdom even J.K. Rowling knew.
floanchoring 